Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Lost on Milf Island

“Milf Island,” a reality show where attractive 40-something cougars seduce adolescent boys to keep from getting voted off, thankfully isn’t an actual television program. It’s a spoof from the sitcom “30 Rock” meant to poke fun at the ridiculousness of reality TV.

With the success of shows like “Survivor” and “The Amazing Race,” networks went nuts in the early 2000’s and produced a ridiculous array of reality shows in the years to follow. Some made it, and others didn’t. In either case, the following is a list of shows that prove we as a people should be ashamed of ourselves.

Seriously, shame on you, and shame on the human race for finding this stuff entertaining:

Boy Meets Boy – Considering dating shows have been all the rage since “The Bachelor” it was only a matter of time before someone did a “Gay Bachelor,” which is essentially what this is—except with a twist! Of the fifteen contestants on the show, almost half of them were NOT ACTUALLY GAY. If James, the totally oblivious main homosexual, picked a fellow homosexual, he’d get the guy of his dreams, a trip to New Zealand, and (if he’s lucky) a civil union in one of the states that allows gay marriage. If he picks a straight guy, James gets nothing and the tricky hetero ends up with $25,000 for his fine acting. Unfortunately, he picked a gay dude and won the trip. They would’ve gotten a lot more media burn if James had chose wrong.



Joe Millionaire – One of the more popular bad reality dating shows, “Joe Millionaire” worked on the premise of several really attractive women fighting for the love of Evan, who they think is ridiculously stinking rich but who, in fact, is a machine operator in New York and rather poor. You can see the money-grubbing women fight over him as he wheedles down his choices via sweet love-making in the mansion gardens. He eventually chose a seemingly down-to-earth gal named Zora, but it didn’t last and the two just split the million bucks.

Superstar USA – Think “American Idol,” but in reverse. This hoax show was set up to elect the worst singer in America, only the horrible singers auditioning truly think they are great. It’s like the “Idol” auditions passing through only the wretched performers. The girl who won was a hot blonde who got made fun of the whole series because of her well-endowed chest. If only William Hung would’ve gone out for this show, he would’ve gotten the $50,000 prize easy.



The Littlest Groom – Essentially, this was “The Bachelor” with a midget. Sigh.

Temptation Island – Married couples are placed onto a beautiful tropic island with tons of single people on it as well. Then, the couples are split up and forced to go on dates with the attractive singles to test the solidity of their marriage. Seriously, marriages were SPLIT UP for the sake of ratings. One of the all-time most demoralizing television shows.

My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee – A woman named Randi has to convince her family that she’s marrying a fat and obnoxious man named Steven. If she can do that, and get her whole family to the wedding, she’ll win a million bucks. The actors that played “Steven” and the rest of his family were pretty funny, and Randi did get the dough. I think her folks were just happy she wasn’t hitching up to an annoying rotund bum!

Kid Nation – Children around the ages 8-10 are taken from their parents and placed in small, adult-less town. From there they have to get their own food and water, divvy up chores, and figure out who’s going to be in charge. Seriously, very disturbing stuff.



The Joe Schmo Show – This poor guy. The producers run a fake game show called “The Lap of Luxury” on which this guy Matt is a contestant. Everyone knows it’s fake except him, so they set up situations on the fake program to elicit comedic responses from the guy. At first it’s intended to be funny, but then Matt starts crying when his friends get eliminated and the producers end up rigging the rest of the contests to ensure Matt wins. He ends up with $100,000 and a plasma-screen TV for his troubles, but he was pretty shocked when the bombshell was dropped.

The Swan – A bunch of average-looking women are gathered together, given ridiculously extreme makeovers (we’re talking massive plastic surgery), and then put into a beauty contest against each other after all of the transformations. The message: You’re only as beautiful as surgery can make you.

There’s Something About Miriam – It doesn’t get any better than this. Think “The “Bachelorette” one more time here; you’ve got an attractive Spanish woman being pursued by droves of attractive males dying to get their hands on lovely Miriam. The only problem, as the winner finds out in the last episode, is that Miriam is a transsexual and has a penis.



Taking all these shows into consideration, can “Milf Island” be all that far behind?

3 comments:

Kevin said...

These are nothing compared to the trash that is now on MTV and VH1. Stupid reality shows are the summary of 1. America get dumber, and 2. Happy TV networks who produce cheap programming that gets good ratings.

Adam said...

I'd watch MILF Island...and I don;t even have TV. I would actually pay a bartender to change the channel at my favorite watering hole. Speaking of MILFs, do you hear they shot a cougar on the northside of Chicago on Monday?

Plotter said...
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