Thursday, December 08, 2005

Call Me Now for a Free Reading

Either I'm a psychic, or I'm just getting REALLY good at reading children's faces.

Between twenty and 1,753 times a day, a child walks up to me, leaning forward with an inquisitive look on his or her face. Their eyebrows raise, and they fidget with their hands. They approach my desk in fast-forward, almost like that creepy crawling girl from "The Ring," but more comedically than frightening. They have something urgest to ask me, something for which the world must stop until it is resolved:

"Can I go to the bathroom?"


"Can I get a drink of water?"

It's like Chinese Water Fountain torture for my psyche, where constant inquisitive drips tap my forehead, uninterrupted, for 9 months a year. Thing is, these students don't REALLY have to use the commode; they're bored, and they want to get up and roam the hallowed halls of Olympia High School. They want to peer into classroom windows and make silly faces at their classmates. All they want is to simply go for a stroll.

You know, I'd almost prefer their honesty over "Can I go to the bathroom." For example, if it were "Can I go take a short walk around the school, I'm getting antsy sitting here," I just might be inclined to say yes...

Anyway, the point is that I realized today that I am able to predict which of my two least favorite questions is going to come out of the student's mouth before he or she reaches my desk. I can't put my finger on how I do it, but I can do it. I'm 8 for 8 today.

Gotta go; I'm REALLY thirsty, and I have to piss like a racehorse.


mbkiz said...

My other favorite (though much harder to predict) is the 10 minute long explanation for the simple question, "Can I go to my locker?"

"Ms. Kizaric?"
"I was on my way from history when I remembered that I had to see my coach before 5th period to see if I was playing with the A team or the B team today. By the time I remembered I was near E wing so I had to go all the way over to the field house and talk to him. I was thinking about what he told me when I saw my friend Billy who was really upset. I stopped to comfort him and when I finished that I realized I only had thirty seconds to get here. I didn't want to get another tardy because then I'd get detention so I didn't stop at my locker. So, can I go to my locker now?"

J. Magenheimer said...

I'm sure you never, used such an excuse as a student...