Thursday, April 14, 2005

Tater Tot Surprise

I've never really understood the concept of "casserole." Even in childhood, when my mother would concoct a creamy amalgam of pasty fluid and large odorless chunks of meat/mushrooms/mutant fusion of the two, I left the table confused and oddly unsatiated. Food with nothing but unknown ingredients has the same effect on me as an unchartered haunted house (I'm curious about what's inside, but I don't have the gumption to find out what exactly lurks within). So, when I received my daily tray lunch from the cafeteria this morning, my jaw dropped to the floor hard enough to register on a seismic scale.

The "crap du jour" on my plate up there is called Tator Tot Casserole, but I have affectionately nicknamed it "Squirrel Waste in a Light Mushroom Gravy." Problem number one with this dish is the fact that it includes both onions AND mushrooms, which turn me into a vomiteur. If there are two foods that I hate more than this, I haven't tried them yet (perhaps mud and rotting snail carcasses are edible?). Problem number two is the obvious aesthetic issue we have with our Tot mixture. I've never seen anything that looked less appetizing than this meal (except maybe Anna Nicole Smith at her fattest). If you're going to make something disgusting, you might as well make it pretty. Lunch today failed. It failed horribly...

The saddest thing is that school lunches are typically parodied on television and in movies, and today's experience did not erase any stereotypes. Where do these lunch ladies come from? Are they amateur chefs whose only experience is cooking for jails and mininum security prisons? I have no idea, but this meal upset me enough write about it. Now go eat something, but make sure you know what it is before it gets in your mouth!

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